My Struggle with Mental Illness - A Testimony by David McCannon

“Change can come in either of two important ways: Start behaving positively or stop behaving negatively.”

― Dr. Phil McGraw

Introduction

Hello forever family. My name is David and I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. I struggled with Mental Illness most of my life. The road to recovery has been a long, slow ride home for me. During my lifetime I had many attempts to end my life. The attempts range from starvation, hanging, or overdose on my medication.

For 30 plus years, I have struggled with suicidal ideation. One time while living in a housing program in Athens, GA, I thought about going to the Firing Lane and pretend I was there for target practice. My plan was to turn the gun to my head and shoot myself. There have been times while I was hospitalized for depression, I tried to hang myself. I can name 3 different occasions where this happened. I got caught once trying to hang myself with my belt at Charter Peachford. Also, one time I made an attempt to hang myself with a bath towel at Peachford. They called me to the nurses’ station and told me that my insurance ran out. They sent me home that very day. I was not well, and it seemed that the only thing that mattered to them was the insurance money.

I tried everything that modern medicine had to offer to heal my depression. Things to treat what I was convinced that was solely caused by a chemical imbalance. It was my hope I could find that magic bullet to heal my illness. The emotional pain I experienced was agonizing. When the pills failed, I tried Electroconvulsive Therapy. I would get some temporary relief from my depression, but it always returned with a vengeance.

While I was growing up, I did everything to seek acceptance of others. You see I grew up in a Fundamental Independent Baptist Church. I believed that was an angry God looking down on us waiting for us to mess up, to sin. So he could punish us. My momma also didn’t help matters much. She said that my dad said, “I would never amount to anything because I was raised by a bunch of women.

Over the years I battled with my own personal demons.  Nothing made me happy. I always expected the worse, and I like Job hated my life. Facing the truth was hard for me. I was my own worst enemy.

Back in 2014 I went psychotic. I became very sick. And I suffered with delusions, visual, and auditory hallucinations.  I was scared and my friends at the church were very concerned about me. My Psychiatrist prescribed Haldol to treat Schizophrenia. The bad news was I didn’t know at the time, I was allergic to this medicine. It crippled me. I was stiff as a board, and I couldn’t dress myself. I had to go to rehab to retrain myself to walk again. This event turned me against all Psych drugs and I became non-compliant in taking my medication which landed me into a serious legal problem later.

Over a period of six months I experienced many symptoms due to my untreated illness. I became catatonic, had grand delusions which led to multiple hospitalizations. I also lived in a dream like state, walking the streets of Elberton.

I experienced blackouts. During these blackouts I would have no memory of what happened. It during this time it happened at church. They took me to the ER in Elberton. From this very day I still have no memory of this. My friends told me that I destroyed a laptop computer that belonged to Elbert Memorial Hospital. They called the police and they laid hands on me. I got into a shoving match with two officers and I was arrested and charged with two felony counts of obstruction of justice. To make a long story short, I was court ordered to live in a personal care home in Tignall, GA called Country Manor.

There is no shame in needing to take medicine for your mental illness. And having a mental illness is not a shame to admit having. It takes a lot of guts to admit that you need help. Work with your doctor. It takes time to find the right medicine, and the right dosage to fit you.

“Instead of being ashamed of what you've been through, be proud of what you have overcome!”

― Dr. Phil McGraw

Never quit taking your medicine without first talking with your psychiatrist. If you’re having issues with your meds, write it down, if you have a complaint you cannot put into words, take a friend with you. Being compliant with your medication is essential. Your well-being depends on it. Don’t make the same mistake as me. Learn from me. Never quit taking your medication cold turkey. The consequences are not worth it.

Over the years I had to battle the personal demons inside my mind. My greatest enemy is me. In 2010 I attended my first Celebrate Recovery Meeting here at First Baptist. It was here I learn to live the solution and not the problem. As my Sponsor Johnny Price said; “My thinker was broken.” I needed God to repair my mind. I needed him to renew my mind. (See Romans 12:2).