Before Celebrate Recovery

Before I came to Celebrate Recovery, I use to have chronic suicidal thoughts. Also I had multiple attempts at suicide. Back in February 2003 I nearly died when I overdosed on Celexa.

My Psychiatrist diagnosed me with Bipolar disorder with an Axis Two diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. I have had many Psychiatric hospitalizations. I was a frequent flier and just about all the emergency room workers at Athens Regional Medical Center knew me by name.

I use to stockpile medication and used them to plan my next suicide attempt. I wanted to help people like me but I was not able to take care of myself. I was a leader of a support group called NAMI, and it was there I fell in love with a young woman named Annette. To make a long story short we had been in a six month long relationship that ended after a suicide attempt I made. I wanted to marry her and I considered her to be the love of my life. My toxic behavior ran her off. 

When I got sick and tired of being sick tired, it was then the Lord opened the door. The key was forgiveness. I had to learn to forgive myself, and I have to learn to see God’s forgiveness the way He did. He saw it no more. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.

It was at Charter Peachford Hospital where I learned how to forgive myself and how to let go of the anger and bitterness I held in for over 20 years. I realized I was a child of the king and nothing could ever separate me from his love. I realize that God was a loving father that was not waiting for me to mess up so he could punish me. He wanted me to be free from the bondage that my depression had over me.

God did not have to punish me my anger and self-hatred was punishment enough. I was my own worst enemy and I created my own prison.

Like the caterpillar in the cocoon broke out and transformed into a beautiful butterfly I was transformed into a new creature. The old David was gone and the new David remained. I now know that when I die I will be with Jesus.

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)

I have had Mental Illness for most of my life. I want to take a few minutes to talk about some facts about Mental Illness.

Mental Health Problems Affect Everyone

Myth: Mental health problems don't affect me.

Fact: Mental health problems are actually very common. In 2014, about:

·         One in five American adults experienced a mental health issue

·         One in 10 young people experienced a period of major depression

·         One in 25 Americans lived with a serious mental illness, such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or major depression

Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. It accounts for the loss of more than 41,000 American lives each year, more than double the number of lives lost to homicide

Back in April 2015 I had a relapse. It was my first time I experienced Psychosis. I thought everybody was watching me. I was hearing voices and seeing things that other people did not. I was living in fear and I tried to outrun my fears but they followed me everywhere I went. To be honest with you, I thought I had died and ended up going to hell.

Bob Hardy, Johnny Price, and Tom List knew that I had some serious problems. They went above and beyond the call of duty to help me. I thank God for placing these men in my life.

 In October 2015, I was at Elberton Memorial Hospital under a 1013. I have no memory of this. I was told that I gave the emergency room staff fits and I destroyed a brand new computer. They called the police and I was arrested. They held me over the weekend and I was later taken back to the hospital when they sent me to Summit Ridge Hospital.

When I was released they sent me home. I roamed the streets of Elberton free and all alone I did not know I was still under arrest. I turned myself in and I spent one night in jail. I was bailed out and my friend Johnny picked me up the next morning. Ricard Campbell an Attorney at Law here in Elberton helped me stay out of jail.

Bob, Johnny, and Richard got me into a personal care home in Tignall called Country Manor. I am now over two years free from Psychosis and they take good care of me. I thank God for putting Bob, Johnny and Tom in my life. These men of God have become not just my brothers in Christ. They are my best friends.  

I have lived in Country Manor for the last 2 years. Angie Roberson and Judy take good care of me. I no longer live in fear and my anxiety is gone. I am happier than I have been in years.

In Sunday school we have been studying a book called “Freedom in Christ” In this study I have learned my true identity in Christ.

I was supposed to give my testimony on July 17, 2017, but I was hospitalized for having suicidal ideation and I had a plan. I truly wanted to die. I was missing my mom, and dad. I may have been grieving the death of my father. I never really figured out what brought on the thoughts in the first place. If I ever feel suicidal again, I am going to remind myself of God’s Word says I am.

He is a new favorite bible verse of mine. Did you know that we are called God’s Masterpiece? My uncle told me that I was not junk. He said that God doesn’t make just. I never knew I was a Rembrandt.

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)